So here is the short version of a lengthy story.
I lost the weight. Not all of it, but a huge portion of it. I started at 421 lbs. and am tipping almost 160 lbs. less today. YAY ME! I'd love to tell you it has changed my self esteem and I feel great about myself, but I can't. I would like to say that your mindset changes drastically with a drastic weight loss, but it doesn't. I would like to appease your mind in saying it was the best thing I have ever done, but was it?
I can recognize that what I have accomplished is insane and be proud of it. I had a plan and I stuck to it, knowing I could fail. I get that, I see that, and damn rights I am proud. But the fact is, changing how you physically look, rarely changes your inner dialogue. When I used to tell myself I didn't like how I looked cause I was fat, now I don't think I look good because of all the extreme hanging and melted effect on my body.
So how do I keep going?
Well, I start by making my head realize what I know to be true: I am just fine, no matter the number on the scale. I am healthier and I have more freedom.
I also recently started the process to getting skin removal surgery. I have found out that Manitoba Health will cover the removal of my Panus (the skin that hangs over my upper thigh, but under my belly button), but that is it. Should I want to get a tummy tuck, and not just for the visual aesthetic appeal, but for the re-positioning of muscles and putting everything where it anatomically should be, will be approx $7,500. If i want the skin under my armpits and my back overhang fixed, another $6,500. If i want a breast reconstruction, tack another $8k on.
In other words, it is what it is and unless I win the lottery, this is me, folds and all.
This isn't a pity Paige post. It's meant to be informative. I don't want anyone thinking what I have done was easy and that its all sunshine and rainbows. THIS WAS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE. PERIOD.
Thanks for listening and good luck if you are going through the same thing. I'll just be over here, counting my pennies and planning a bank robbery (criminals, apply here).