I am, by nature, a creative person. I crave something to shove my eccentric thoughts into and in my career, this is seriously deprived. I want to create something lasting, something that will follow me and I can be proud of.

I long for a day when I can spend my days immersed in culture and inspiration that can feed this creative monster that has recently been growing inside me. I want to write, I want to dream, I want to soar for the unattainable and possibly...reach it.

If I keep suppressing this side of me, I feel as though it will reach the depths of my being and disappear. I don't want that. What kind of life would I have if it broke away from me? I don't want to live in a world where I can't see that it is cerulean, not blue. Where a book is just words and not a story waiting to be told.  I want to be heard, I want to listen, I want. I want more.

We live in a world where people compartmentalize their lives and don't show their entire self to all parts of their life. I hate the idea that people are not truly being themselves and it really scares me that I have so easily followed their lead. I have slumped and become complacent with just being fine or ok. Its not OK. I want to succeed, possibly need to succeed, but at what cost? Is success and materialistic wealth worth the pressure? Can I live with mediocre? Can I live with so many questions, and no answers?

I want to feel fulfilled and inspired. I want to travel and adapt to a better lifestyle. I want to loose my fear of failure. I am grateful for what I have, but there is more to life and I want to experience it all...

...Someday.

Motivational Monday: Beating the Monday Blues

Are you like me and have a hard time starting the week off right? Is Monday generally your grumpy day? Do you fall asleep at your desk? Then like me, you maybe a sufferer of the Monday Blues.

Historically symptoms have included fatigue, head ache, body aches, extreme moodiness and sometimes even result in overeating and feeling even worse.

So how do we stop it? Well, thats a good question and the answer has eluded me since I developed this problem early in adulthood. You can try and escape it, but it will always sneak up on you. So here's a thought, use your Monday Blues for the better. If you want to be alone for most of the day, be alone, but be productive. Read that book that you have had on your night stand forever. Go for a long walk and try and grab some endorphins. You could also be like me and write your thoughts and feelings down. Try and create a silver lining, make some lemonade...

Well have a good Monday, I hope this has helped you in some way to battle the blues. Tell me in the comments if you have any tips on this or what you like to do when your not feeling up to much.

Byeee!

My New Relationship with Myself

Hello! Long time no talk. I apologise for that. I have been feeling slightly unmotivated, uncreative and lacking in drive to do much of anything these days, but I recently received some news that has given me a push, and I thought I would tell you about it.

As most of you know, about 16 months ago I began a journey of self discovery and a search for a healthy, balanced life. The last year I have had a few set backs health wise and it started to really get me down the last few months of 2014. Then I got the call. A call I had been waiting for. My referral into the Edmonton Adult Bariatric Clinic had gone through and I was finally going to be making the TWELVE HOUR road trip to see the best of the best in weight loss.

My appointment was this past Friday and it was life changing. It turns out I am the way I am (in terms of weight), not just because of bad habits and poor decisions. I have been diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). If this sounds familiar, you probably watched the TLC show My Fat Fabulous Life, which is about Whitney Thore and her journey with this disease.

So what is PCOS? That's a good question. The little I know about it so far is that it is an insulin resistance, not to be mistaken for Diabetes, though it can lead to Diabetes if not treated. Insulin is a hormone that your body produces from sugar. Since my body is resistant to it, it causes massive problems for all my hormones, because they are trying to make up the difference. This causes gynaecological problems, unwanted hair growth, skin problems and unfortunately, hard to loose weight gain.

This, paired with my chronic iron deficient anaemia and digestive issues, is a perfect storm for preventing weight loss. The clinic that I went to is using medication, lifestyle changes and education to help me become more healthy on the inside. Then, once I have completed the expectations set out by a team of health professionals, I will receive Gastric Bypass Surgery. This may seem quite invasive, and to some it may seem like an easy way out. I have asked myself the same questions: Is this just a short cut, should I be just doing diet and excersize, should I keep trying on my own? and the answer is, I can't. I have tried time and again with no success, and with this diagnosis, it will never be possible. This is my means to an end. I need a change and it shouldn't matter to anyone but me how I get there (so long as it is safe and healthy).

The diagnosis came with many emotions, the biggest being relief. It was the first time a doctor has sat, listened to what I had to say, delivered precise questions with no judgement and knew exactly what was wrong. A month ago, I was so lost and floundering, I didn't want to get out of bed. Now I have a new job, a diagnosis and most importantly a light at the end of a very curvy, dark tunnel.

That's it, your all caught up! Leave a message in the comments and share this post on Pinterest and Facebook if you enjoyed it. Hopefully, I will keep this creative juice flowing and continue to inform you on my progress with PCOS and the Edmonton Adult Bariatric Clinic.

THANKS!!

Happy New Year!

This past year I found myself. It was a long search and one that I never thought I would accomplish, but it happened. I went on adventures, I fell into step with some of the best friends I have ever had and most of all, I lived. I stepped out of my comfort zone, I said yes. I stayed up late and had experiences. I travelled and made memories. I discovered a path that was right for me, albeit somewhat winding and messy, but it works. 

I am still walking down that road, but I can see the destination just over the horizon, the city lights casting a glow that excites me to my core. I can see where I want to be, but can still feel where I came from. Hello new year, nice to meet you. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. #2014